Asphyxia_II

There’s a fire in her eyes that keeps the walls at bay
See, I’m afraid of enclosed spaces,
So I can never tuck in my shirt or put on a tie
Neither can I be in a committed relationship
By her side it doesn’t really matter
For no matter how close we get I can breath
Unless her lips are on mine or her breath is on my skin

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Biggest Fan

I think you’re fantastic,
I wouldn’t call myself a fanatic,
But far too often you’re on my mind,
There are only a few people I haven’t told about you,
Those are the ones I haven’t met yet

I wish I could claim that I know you too well,
Sure you’re an open book,
But you’re one that keeps growing,
Just when I think I’m done,
I come across a chapter that was unread, A page or two I don’t remember seeing before.
A phrase jumps at me and once more I lose myself in your depths

I’m always going to be in the crowd,
Cheering you on, be it in my mind or out loud
Should there be an audience or you’re by yourself,
I’ll be there …

We don’t talk much,
I lose my phone way too often
But for you I’ll always be a phone call away
Even when we’re apart I know what’s going on with you,
I’ve got my eye on you
And an ear to the ground
So that even when you’re out of sight you’re never out of mind

I want you more when you’re away
Only for moments at a time do I hold you
Every time I come up for air I breathe you in
Before I’m plunged back into the icy depths
The more of you I take in – The deeper in the sea I sink
Do you weigh me down ? I wouldn’t know
But I wouldn’t have it any other way
No matter how far or how long from you I’m away
I’ll always come back – I’ll always come up for air

Of Sobriety and Last Call

I must be one of the cool kids,
My intestines are restless
Just one puff, I feel like it’s all I need
A couple of shots might do the trick

I woke up to a strange face staring at me from the mirror,
The eyes staring back at me seemed caged
I woke up feeling bound in my own skin
I woke up with a craving to be amongst my kin
Those with whom I waste my life away
Are we going out today?

There was a deafening silence waiting for me when I woke up today,
A cold loneliness waited for me to open my eyes,
A cold darkness that feared not the sun’s rays
I must have puked my guts out,
Have I been living in a dumpster?
Should I clean up or just burn this place down

This can’t be my reality
Am I just a few short breaths away from death?
Or does she not even want me,
I’ve heard she’s picky
She has a reputation to uphold
And should she take me home
They’ll think she’s become a desperate old hag without standards
So she leave me be
Though I doubt I am

What’s to become of a drunk who just won’t die?
Where does a lonely soul wandering in the dark lie?
There’s half a bottle of whiskey under my bed,
I try to reach it but it rolled off too far,
I was the king of the night last night
But now I’m kneeling on the floor trying to get something that’s had enough of me
Why am I so deplorable sober?

I’m done, I really am
But maybe just one more drink
One last high,
Right before I seek out sobriety
Just one for the road…
Before I embark on this noble quest
To find one who can help me be sober

Tea Party

I’m starving
I have this craving
I wanna sit on the carpet
Feast on cakes and hot chocolate
Watch animated movies
I want to do this all in your company
Would you like to come to my tea party?

I’m not the nicest person around
And there’s something very vexing about you
But hearing your voice over the phone
I can’t help think to myself,
“You have such a soothing voice”
You’re the one I want by my side
Do you wanna come to my tea party?

I’m not in my right mind – that’s true
I may be under the influence of something
And that’s you – or the absence of you
I didn’t know I was alone till I met you
I’m alone as long as you’re not with me
Please show up to my tea party

Will You Wait For Me

Could you wait for me?
It’s late and cold outside
Walls have ears – we dare not speak inside
In a few hours the sun will spring up from its hiding place
The wind will gently hum as trees whistle on
This conversation we’ll finish then

Could you wait for me?
My country called – I’m needed in the front lines
We’re at war – these are perilous times
Should I make it back in one piece
This conversation shall we then conclude

I have some growing up to do
And issues to work out in therapy
The world scarred me, it cut me pretty deep
I was a sheet of paper it ripped apart then taped back together
Let’s not worry about me though, for I’ll be okay
But it might take a while
So I need to know whether you’ll wait,
Will you wait for me?

I was born with the Sidam touch,
Ruining everything I come into contact with,
There would be no hope for us were this all we could be,
But one day soon I’ll get that Midas touch,
Then we could turn this hopeless cause of ours golden,
Will you wait for me?

Snowflake

She walks past my line of sight
Gracefully and swiftly – just as seconds melt into minutes,
I doubt I’ll remember her face,
But engraved in my mind is her silhouette

I’ve heard many say that there’s plenty of fish in the sea
Sure, because fishing out one from the many is a piece of cake
But she’s not a resident of the sea – rather a snowflake

Because of her I’m out in the cold with my gloves off
Keenly rummaging through the fallen snow
Frantically sifting through the slow white icy rain
Searching for a snowflake amongst many
Looking for the one that’s edged in my brain

She Stole My Heart

She had one of those faces that’s hard to forget,
We first met during a school function,
Her uniform was like a plastic bag wrapped around a rose,
Flares of her smile lit up the gloomy hall – she was definitely out of place

I knew how the day would end,
With our arms intertwined and her head on my shoulder
All I had to do was start a conversation – maybe say hi and ask about her day
Before I had it all worked out she smiled at me
My breath became a slippery fish I couldn’t grip
I smiled back – hoping that there was nothing between my teeth
Praying that I’d smiled right
Moments later I was whisked away
I had responsibilities to attend to – duties to fulfill

That day died young
Before I had learned her name
Before I got her contact info,
Before I got to see her again
We didn’t talk or take a walk together
Our paths just crossed – barely though
Like we were speeding off in opposite directions

Weeks later I saw her in town,
She winked my way, but not at me
I wanted to run to her, to have her by my side
But I was well on my way back to prison
Maybe after I’d done my time we could be
I knew then what I had to do, and that I did

A number of fortnights later I wandered about the town
My eyes were everywhere and nowhere
I walked about and around the city
Looking for someone, searching through the crowd for a smile
I found her, but she wasn’t mine to have or hold

A lot has happened since that day
Whatever hopes I have for tomorrow,
Whatever regrets haunt me today,
She’s a puzzle yet to be solved, a truth I know not
Except for a slight detail
She stole my heart but left it behind

I still live with my Mom

Wish I was homeless
Should anyone ask “I still live with my mom” I’ll say
A cheeky smile on my face
The only roof over my head was the shade of the trees
I’ll lie on leaves and be kept warm by a blanket of stars

I wanna be a drifter, a man living out of a bag
That I’m always on the move to new sights and scenery
I wish I was a handyman – a jack of all trades
Not stationed in some office – like a someone out on parole
So that I only work to get by – not slaving away
Trying to make ends meet, paying ridiculous undying bills
I’d probably get to till the earth with my bare hands
I’d love that – To tend to mother earth

Can’t wait to fall in love
I’d take her out for picnics and mountain hikes
The only wingman who has my back is dear mother earth
Out in the wild where the air is clean and birds in cheer sing
With beauty all round she’s bound to be at ease
Our hearts can be one while the rest of us is refreshed
I’ll fall asleep – my head on her lap as she reads to me
Or sings in her soothing voice
I’ll propose to her amidst the Cheers of the baboons
And right on the spot where she says yes I’ll build a shrine
I’ll plant a tree and a fence around it

I’m tired of the urban life
I can’t stand not breathing
Can’t take one more puff of those toxic fumes
Or have my breath taken away by those aerosols & perfumes
I wanna hear my thoughts, not the beeps and hoots
I need me a steady heartbeat
One that can lull my kids to sleep
Not a heart always racing or taking risky leaps

I’ll go biking with my sons
Take my daughter out to pick flowers
I’ll teach them how to be one with nature
And hope they love it as much as I do

So I’ll have to stay in school
Make something of myself
So I can one day own a farm
A piece of land in the middle of nowhere
There I’ll build a home

Can’t wait to be old and have nowhere to go
But sit on the front lawn and watch my garden blossom
Rocking back and forth on a rocking chair
Yeah, my old lady will probably be knitting sweaters
I hope some of my kids stay back and tend to the garden

One day I’ll die and be buried
Then my body will be one with the earth
On my tombstone let it say
“Here lies a guy, who still lives with his mom”
Yeah, I’ll be one with dear Mother Nature.

Waiting For The End

I’m in a house of cards that will soon crumble
But I’m lying on the sofa waiting for the caving in,
I won’t vacate the premises

My castle of sand will soon be a pile of rubble
I’m on my throne waiting – a bottle of rum in my hand
I think I’ll phoenix from the debris

I’m the candle that gave life to a furnace,
A furnace that’s about to melt me away
I’m not going to run, I want to embrace the flames
A little bird has me convinced I can rise from the ashes

I’m bleeding out on the kitchen floor,
Though help is only a whisper away,
I’m just lying there – waiting for the end

This wasn’t much of a life anyway
Thus I’m inclined to let it all burn to the ground
Am I at the end?

What if the end was always at the door – knocking
And I mistook the noise for life’s steady heartbeat?

Am I the One?

There’s an announcement not many have heard,
Some say it was an echo while others heard a whisper,
The fliers say you’re looking for someone,
The posters bear the picture of a guy most wanted
Before the mirror I wonder as I stand
Am I the one?

I hear you want someone by your side,
One to devote 100% to you,
An ear to listen to all you have to say
An embrace to shield from the harsh elements around
A heart to keep you safe and sound

Well I’d say you definitely need Jesus
But that’s not who you had in mind
You’re looking for a man – or big boy
And I can’t help but wonder,
Am I the one?

In the spirit of full disclosure
I can’t devote 100% to anyone
I’m not always listening when I ought to
My embrace won’t shield from the harsh elements
For I’m known to give the occasional cold shoulder
I also hear that I’m heartless
So, maybe I’m not the one

Baby all I have is time, but not for long
Time to change and evolve
Time to spend on and with you
To be the bigger man or a better boy
So I won’t always be as I am

Nothing is set in stone
We’re not two peas in a pod,
I may not be the right guy for you
I know that wasn’t the best defense,
Do I get points for honesty?

There’s nothing I could say that could change your mind
There’s nothing I have to offer that would keep you by my side
But you’re what’s best for me – exactly the one I need
It’s up to you to decide
And answer me this, Am I the one?